Let Go Of Your Past

The story you tell about how you had a rough start because you were always sick as a kid. The idea that you were a challenging child, or an easygoing child. That you were bright, or creative, or rebellious. The way that story developed into your current ideas about how you ended up the way you are. Do you think that is who you are, the culmination of those stories? What if you let that go, just let it all go? What if you let go of your attachment to that manufactured idea of who you are?

Let Go Of Your Desires

What if you let go of the idea that you’re a morning person, that you’re a cat person, that you’re a vegetarian. That you don’t like traveling, that you do like reading, that you prefer dark colors to pastels. That you’d probably find your soulmate sooner if you could lose that extra twenty pounds. That you wouldn’t crave a soulmate so much if you could just get a job where you made more money. That you wouldn’t crave money so much if you could just find your soulmate. That both your work life and your dating life would pick up if you just moved to a bigger city, a smaller town, a different state.

Let Go Of Your Self Judgments

That you need a faster computer, a newer car, or a bigger apartment. That you have too many sins on your slate to wipe it clean. That your lover will leave if you don’t start being more like what they want. That you need to slow down and enjoy life more. That you need to hurry up and start making the most of your life. That there is a way to measure how full your life is. That someone else can help you decide how to take those measurements.

Let Go Of Your Fixed Ideas Of How Things Are

What if you let go of your ideas about your favorite foods, your most comfortable jeans, or your happiest memory? Your proudest moment, your deepest regret, your most intense longing. Your dreams for the future, your fears for the future, your expectations for the future. Your ideas about how other people are, which ones can be trusted, and which ones cannot. Your religious beliefs, your political stance, your ideas about whether or not you are a likable person.

Letting Go Is Liberating

The idea that who you are is a factor of where you grew up, who your parents were, and what kind of education you received. That things are getting better, that things are getting worse, that one brand name is better than another. All these attachments you have to all these ideas . . . what if you really, truly let them go? Even just for a moment? Collect everything you are and everything you think and just let at all go. What is left of you now? Can you see who you are after letting go? Now, let that go, too! It is amazing how liberating it is to keep practicing letting go.

The truth of the matter is that in order for change to occur – on both an individual scale, as well as a global scale – holding on to the way things “used to be” is a recipe for nothing but a modern-day remake of the same mistakes that we have already made in our lives, and on our planet.

If we want true, lasting change to occur, then we must realize that change means change, it does not mean wrapping the old life up in a new package and then presenting it again as if it’s all new. It’s like that ridiculous advertising slogan “New and Improved”. Something can’t be new AND improved – it has to be one or the other!

Nostalgia for Days gone By

One of the biggest reasons why people cling to their old patterns despite an innate need to move forward is nothing more complex than that wonderful emotion of nostalgia.

Our lives, no matter how hectic or chaotic they may be, are filled with “sweet spots” that are permanently ingrained in our memories and on our hearts. We remember “back when,” or “that time when,” or “how it used to be”.

Those memories and the emotions that they invoke are wonderful, and to forget or bury them would be nothing less than criminal. However, living from them is just as much of a crime! Your glory days from the past are just that – in the past. No matter how wonderful those days were, they are gone now, and you need to come to terms with that.

You should cherish your past, and learn from your past, and apply what your past has taught you, but your life will never move forward if you are hooked on “the good ol’ days”. Recognize your past for its positive aspects, utilize the contrast from the negative aspects as a marker for what to avoid in the future, and then let it all go.

Your past – no matter how powerful it may be – is gone. An exponentially more powerful and more glorious future, on the other hand, is nothing but a thought and a commitment away.

A Comfort Zone that needs to be Broken out Of

The other main reason why people tend to color their futures with the hues of their past is simply the fact that they are used to doing things that way.

I’m not talking about the standard self improvement dogma about getting outside of your comfort zone – we’ve all heard that one a thousand times. No, I am talking about the fact that people simply don’t do what it takes to create and maintain new habits that cause their lives to be significantly different than they have been in the past.

Each of us is guilty of it on some level or other, but we don’t realize our guilt because we are so used to doing things that way that it feels natural to us. Just because something feels natural does NOT mean that it should be a part of your life!

When I was a kid, I lived one quarter mile from a very busy set of railroad tracks. Those trains were very loud, and they came through many, many times every day and every night. After a few years, though, I stopped hearing them. They became such a natural background noise that I didn’t even consciously hear them anymore.

Just because I got used to living close to the train tracks does not mean that I would want to live there again!

Our ability to get used to something – even something challenging or difficult – does not automatically mean that we should make that thing a part of our lives. If our habits – no matter how steeped in antiquity they may be – do not take our lives in the direction that we want to go, then those habits need to fall by the wayside.

I have used the term “if nothing changes, then nothing changes” in so many of my writings that I have literally lost count. I don’t keep repeating it because it sounds cool, but rather because it is the truth of our existence.

The more things change, the more they stay the same? I call B.S.!! The more things change, the more they NEED to change.

Anything less is just a carbon copy that is getting more and more faded the more times you copy it.

Obviously the change was a necessary catalyst for the lesson, but it still gives you the opportunity to slap yourself in the forehead and say, “I could have learned this years ago!”.

After moving to Port Orange, FL this past weekend, I’ve had several of those moments. In an effort to keep you from needing to bop yourself in the head over similar lessons, I’ll share what I have learned over the past few days.

1) You don’t realize how much your surroundings are a part of your state of mind until you experience the contrast of going through your daily routine in a strange environment.

There were a lot of things about my previous daily routine that were not “ideal,” and as I got ready to move, I certainly looked forward to making some positive changes in that regard. However, when it came down to unloading the last box and saying a final goodbye to my previous lifestyle, I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I was all alone in a brand-new world.

Logistically I was prepared for that, but this was the first time in many years that I was going to be geographically cut off from the environment and the people that I had grown so accustomed to having as part of my life. It was a bit scary, to be honest, and more than just a little sad.

The Lesson: Don’t take your surroundings and your circle of influence for granted. If you don’t enjoy certain aspects of your life, then get out of your comfort zone for awhile so you can experience the contrast of what your life looks like from a different point of view. Make a list of everything and everyone that is part of your daily routine, and then take 2 or 3 days and remove it all. Leave town if you have to. While trying not to have any ties to your “previous life,” you might be surprised how much your normal surroundings and the people around you were part of your security and comfort level.

2) Try being healthy in a way that you normally wouldn’t – you might like it!

I used to be a personal trainer, so I am certainly familiar with the ins and outs of proper diet and exercise habits. Whenever I am doing something healthy or unhealthy, I am always acutely aware of it.

Nonetheless, like anyone else, I have certain routines that I tend to stick to, even if they aren’t the most healthy habits in the world. Two of my vices are coffee and diet soda. I don’t take the sugared version of either one, but instead opt for using flavored creamer and Splenda for my coffee, and whatever chemically-stuffed ingredients are in the diet soda that I buy. I know those habits aren’t good for me, but I do them anyway.

Well, grocery shopping still hasn’t happened since the move, so although I have coffee and coffee creamer, I do not have any Splenda or any diet soda yet. Imagine my surprise when I realized that my coffee was just as good with only the creamer in it, and in less than 3 days of drinking water, I have almost completely curbed my desire to drink soda of any kind.

The Lesson: Healthy habits don’t just look good on paper! Even if you may have resistance to healthy habits as part of your normal routine, just give yourself a few days of doing things in a manner different than what you are used to. Who knows? You might even end up with radically fewer chemicals in your system every day like I did!

3) If you push yourself to the limit, no matter how much it hurts, you’ll be glad you did it.

One of the reasons why I moved to Port Orange is because of its proximity to the Atlantic Ocean. I love the beach and the energy that is always available at the water’s edge, so getting over to the coast was one of the first things that I did once the boxes were all unloaded.

There is a causeway that separates the “mainland” from the peninsula where the actual coastline is, and that causeway is about a mile and a half from my house. It was a beautiful, sunny day, so I hopped on my bike and away I went.

Well, in addition to being beautiful and sunny, it was also very windy, and the causeway itself is a fairly steep incline – probably at least 30-degrees up or more, and about a quarter of a mile from the bottom to the top. Now, between the recent launching of PDP, and the administrative issues of finding and securing the house that I moved into, it has been about 3 weeks since I have gotten any consistent cardiovascular exercise. Let me tell you that getting up that causeway was literally the hardest physical thing that I can remember doing in years!

I wasn’t wearing my heart rate monitor, so I don’t know what my beats per minute were, but I can tell you that I was well outside of the safety zone! However, in addition to the incredible view of the ocean and the beach that I had as soon as I got to the top of the causeway, the sense of accomplishment that I felt was unbelievable. I felt like I was on top of the world, and that it was all downhill from there!

The Lesson: Don’t wait until you find yourself in an unexpectedly difficult situation to push yourself to the limits. Find ways to take it to the max – every day if you can. Not only will you feel wonderful for having made the effort, but your confidence in what you are capable of will grow by leaps and bounds!

4) You really don’t need all of that junk

This move for me was to a location that was only about 90 minutes south of where I was before, so the physical part of the move was actually done in chunks. In fact, some of my stuff is still back where I used to live because it just wasn’t a priority to get it moved right away.

During the process of moving everything that I own over the course of several different trips, I had to make some hard decisions about what needed to stay or go on any given trip, and what could be left behind for the final low priority trip later on.

Imagine my surprise when I realized that almost 90% of the things that I owned were really not that important to me!

With the exception of my computer, my clothes, the minimum necessary furnishings, and a few other necessary or high priority items, almost everything I own is not used on a daily basis.

Sure, I like having a TV, I would cry if something happened to my iPod, and there are many things that have sentimental value for me. However, most of my belongings are just things that I use because they are there. I have very little attachment to them, nor a strong desire to keep them close to me. Even as I type this, there are things in the garage that I could bring into the house, but I’m simply not in a very big hurry to do so!

The Lesson: Don’t be too attached to the material possessions in your life. Ask yourself how many of the things that you own are actually important to you. If they aren’t, then why not clear out the physical and the mental clutter by getting rid of them?

5) True friendship will show itself when needed.

I saved this one for last because I felt it was the most important thought for you to be left with.

As I went through the process of planning for and preparing for this move, to say that my life was chaotic would not even begin to cover it. Between the work that I do o
nline, and the logistics that went into this entire process, I have been running crazy for months.

Through it all, there was one person who bent over backwards for me on every occasion, although at the same time she maintained her own integrity by not bending so far that she didn’t tend to her own needs in the process.

I am an active social person, and I have a lot of friends from all over the U.S., most of whom I see at least semi-frequently during annual get-togethers that we have planned. However, I could count the people who would do for me what this person did on less than one hand.

The person in question knows who she is, so I won’t call her out by name, except of course to say Thank You for all that you did! I’m quite sure I haven’t expressed that sentiment as much as I should have.

The Lesson: You may have an address book full of names, a contact list a mile long, or even a database of the hundreds of people that you know all over the world, and that is a wonderful thing. However, how many fingers and toes would it take for you to count the number of people who would truly jump through fire for you? Once you have that figure, pick up the phone and call them right now just to say “Thanks for being my friend”.

As I indicated at the beginning of this post, each of these lessons can be learned without having to actually go through major changes in your life. Just stop the presses long enough to actually look around and take stock of your life. Then start doing whatever it takes to live your life to the fullest, constantly pushing yourself to achieve bigger and better levels of success, happiness, and fulfillment!

1. Recognize Why the Change Happened

For better or for worse, whatever it is that has changed in your life, it happened for a reason. Maybe it was something that you did or didn’t do, or maybe it was something that someone else did or didn’t do. In either case, there was some purpose behind the change that you now need to discover.

Please don’t confuse “purpose” with “reason”. To use an extreme example, let’s say that someone you care about dies in a car accident. As sad as that is, the reason behind that person’s death was the car accident itself, but knowing that will not help you to move past the incident.

However, by discovering what purpose was served by their death, then you can turn the situation around in order to at least start walking towards the future, rather than dwelling on the past.

To use my own example, my Mom died of brain cancer when I was barely 21 years old. Her and I were very close and I was totally devastated. However, even though her life was anything but pleasant towards the end, she was still up before the dawn and the last person to go to sleep every night, because she saw the value in her time here on earth.

That was 16 years ago, and I am still almost always the first one out of bed in our house, and the last one to go to sleep at night.

2. Keep your Emotions in Check

If something happens that upsets you, it can be very difficult to reign in your emotions. You are sad, or mad, or infuriated, or frustrated, etc., and the last that you want to do right now is practice emotional mastery!

In fact, recognizing your emotions for what they are is part of the process of getting through that tough spot in your life. If you’re sad, then why are you sad? Why are you mad? Why are you frustrated?

As I said in the post ‘How to Eliminate Fear from Your Life‘, when people are afraid of a certain outcome, it drives their behavior. So if you are mad, sad, or frustrated by a negative change in your life, take emotional control by realizing what it is that is making you feel that way.

• Are you afraid that you won’t be able to live without a person who isn’t in your life anymore?
• Are you afraid that you will not be able function and be happy in a situation where your anger is constantly a part of your day?
• Are you afraid that your level of frustration is going to cause you to lose control?

Whatever your emotional reactions are to a negative change in your life, they will always be fueled by your need to have or to not have something in your life. By recognizing that need – even if it is painful – it will put you on the path to brighter days.

3. Be Grateful

This one can be hard for some people, especially if the negative change was really big. However, it is always – and I mean always – possible to be grateful for the changes in our lives, even the changes that we perceive to be negative.

Why should you be grateful? Because now you have contrast. You are now clearly able to see the difference between what you want and what you don’t want, so you can now apply all of your amazing abilities as a human being to get what you do want from now on.

If a relationship ends, or someone is taken from you, then you have the opportunity to understand – sometimes at a very high cost – what grief, despair, or loneliness feels like. Even thought it hurts, from now on you will appreciate all of the moments in your life when you don’t feel that way a lot more than you would have appreciated them before.

Sure, it’s a hard lesson to learn, but it is a lesson, and by being grateful for that lesson, you will appreciate – and enjoy – your life more as a result. Maybe not at first, but eventually you will.

4. Look to the Future

What’s next? Whether the negative change in your life is something simple, or if it is something major, you can always make the future a brighter place by planning how to move forward.

As human beings, we have an innate need for a sense of “direction,” or a belief that we are walking down a certain path. Even people who claim that they just want to “get through life and have fun” still have a path, even if that path is to do just that.

Whenever a negative change happens in your life, your path will have been permanently altered. However, as the sole conductor on the train of your life, you can still decide which direction your life will take now that the change has taken place.

At first it can be very difficult to focus on the future, and that is okay. In fact, depending on the severity of the change that has happened in your life, you may even feel like you don’t care about the future! That is fine as well. Allow yourself time to “heal” or to calm down after something negative has happened.

However, eventually, you will remember who you are, what you stand for, and what you want to get out of life. That strength will either move you towards the future one baby step at a time, or it may propel you forward like a rocket once you have come to terms with the negative change.

In either case, you are – and always have been – in the driver’s seat. Even after a negative change in your life, it is still possible to choose a new destination that is to your liking.