Let Go Of Your Past

The story you tell about how you had a rough start because you were always sick as a kid. The idea that you were a challenging child, or an easygoing child. That you were bright, or creative, or rebellious. The way that story developed into your current ideas about how you ended up the way you are. Do you think that is who you are, the culmination of those stories? What if you let that go, just let it all go? What if you let go of your attachment to that manufactured idea of who you are?

Let Go Of Your Desires

What if you let go of the idea that you’re a morning person, that you’re a cat person, that you’re a vegetarian. That you don’t like traveling, that you do like reading, that you prefer dark colors to pastels. That you’d probably find your soulmate sooner if you could lose that extra twenty pounds. That you wouldn’t crave a soulmate so much if you could just get a job where you made more money. That you wouldn’t crave money so much if you could just find your soulmate. That both your work life and your dating life would pick up if you just moved to a bigger city, a smaller town, a different state.

Let Go Of Your Self Judgments

That you need a faster computer, a newer car, or a bigger apartment. That you have too many sins on your slate to wipe it clean. That your lover will leave if you don’t start being more like what they want. That you need to slow down and enjoy life more. That you need to hurry up and start making the most of your life. That there is a way to measure how full your life is. That someone else can help you decide how to take those measurements.

Let Go Of Your Fixed Ideas Of How Things Are

What if you let go of your ideas about your favorite foods, your most comfortable jeans, or your happiest memory? Your proudest moment, your deepest regret, your most intense longing. Your dreams for the future, your fears for the future, your expectations for the future. Your ideas about how other people are, which ones can be trusted, and which ones cannot. Your religious beliefs, your political stance, your ideas about whether or not you are a likable person.

Letting Go Is Liberating

The idea that who you are is a factor of where you grew up, who your parents were, and what kind of education you received. That things are getting better, that things are getting worse, that one brand name is better than another. All these attachments you have to all these ideas . . . what if you really, truly let them go? Even just for a moment? Collect everything you are and everything you think and just let at all go. What is left of you now? Can you see who you are after letting go? Now, let that go, too! It is amazing how liberating it is to keep practicing letting go.

Sadly, we forget about the most important person in the world. We forget about ouselves. We forget about Me. Before we know it, we have run out of steam. Life becomes a habit and a chore and not the joy it was meant to be.

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.  You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”  - Lucille Ball

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Me Time

“Me Time” is the time you take to take care of yourself. It is the time you take to escape from the pressures of everyday life, to enjoy yourself, to make yourself whole. Ideally, Me Time is something you do everyday, maybe even several times a day. Me Time is anything that helps you relax and feel good about yourself. Me Time enables you to Love Yourself First.

Make Yourself Happy First

We all want our loved ones to be happy and to please our boss. But no one can give 100% if they are tired, worn out and overwhelmed. Me Time is so important because we cannot make others happy unless we are happy, first. Me Time recharges our battery and allows us to quietly focus our attention on what is really important. We become calm and centered and better able to deal with the everyday bumps along the road of life. As a result, we are able to give more of ourselves to others. Me Time is an investment in yourself, for yourself. And the dividends pay off big! The beneficiaries include our family, friends, co-workers and community at large. Have you ever noticed how when you smile at a stranger, their face lights up in a smile as well? People just seem to respond better to someone who is genuinely happy.

How To Take Care Of You

There are so many things you can do for yourself everyday to  make yourself happy. Enjoy a quiet cup of coffee in the morning before everyone else wakes up. Do some yoga stretches to improve your strength, flexibility and mental focus. Take a walk outside during lunch or go to the gym. Download music or audiobooks to enjoy during your commute. Meditate while gardening.  Play fetch with your favorite pooch. Once a month, you can splurge and treat yourself to something really special. Visit your local spa for a massage or a pedicure. If you enjoy the arts, purchase a season ticket for the symphony or a membership at the arts museum. Sports fans can do the same to cheer on their favorite team. If you’re saying to yourself right now “No, I really don’t have the time or the money to do something like that!,” remember that this as an investment in yourself. You are worth it!

What Me Time activity do you do to make yourself happy? Let us know!

The truth of the matter is that in order for change to occur – on both an individual scale, as well as a global scale – holding on to the way things “used to be” is a recipe for nothing but a modern-day remake of the same mistakes that we have already made in our lives, and on our planet.

If we want true, lasting change to occur, then we must realize that change means change, it does not mean wrapping the old life up in a new package and then presenting it again as if it’s all new. It’s like that ridiculous advertising slogan “New and Improved”. Something can’t be new AND improved – it has to be one or the other!

Nostalgia for Days gone By

One of the biggest reasons why people cling to their old patterns despite an innate need to move forward is nothing more complex than that wonderful emotion of nostalgia.

Our lives, no matter how hectic or chaotic they may be, are filled with “sweet spots” that are permanently ingrained in our memories and on our hearts. We remember “back when,” or “that time when,” or “how it used to be”.

Those memories and the emotions that they invoke are wonderful, and to forget or bury them would be nothing less than criminal. However, living from them is just as much of a crime! Your glory days from the past are just that – in the past. No matter how wonderful those days were, they are gone now, and you need to come to terms with that.

You should cherish your past, and learn from your past, and apply what your past has taught you, but your life will never move forward if you are hooked on “the good ol’ days”. Recognize your past for its positive aspects, utilize the contrast from the negative aspects as a marker for what to avoid in the future, and then let it all go.

Your past – no matter how powerful it may be – is gone. An exponentially more powerful and more glorious future, on the other hand, is nothing but a thought and a commitment away.

A Comfort Zone that needs to be Broken out Of

The other main reason why people tend to color their futures with the hues of their past is simply the fact that they are used to doing things that way.

I’m not talking about the standard self improvement dogma about getting outside of your comfort zone – we’ve all heard that one a thousand times. No, I am talking about the fact that people simply don’t do what it takes to create and maintain new habits that cause their lives to be significantly different than they have been in the past.

Each of us is guilty of it on some level or other, but we don’t realize our guilt because we are so used to doing things that way that it feels natural to us. Just because something feels natural does NOT mean that it should be a part of your life!

When I was a kid, I lived one quarter mile from a very busy set of railroad tracks. Those trains were very loud, and they came through many, many times every day and every night. After a few years, though, I stopped hearing them. They became such a natural background noise that I didn’t even consciously hear them anymore.

Just because I got used to living close to the train tracks does not mean that I would want to live there again!

Our ability to get used to something – even something challenging or difficult – does not automatically mean that we should make that thing a part of our lives. If our habits – no matter how steeped in antiquity they may be – do not take our lives in the direction that we want to go, then those habits need to fall by the wayside.

I have used the term “if nothing changes, then nothing changes” in so many of my writings that I have literally lost count. I don’t keep repeating it because it sounds cool, but rather because it is the truth of our existence.

The more things change, the more they stay the same? I call B.S.!! The more things change, the more they NEED to change.

Anything less is just a carbon copy that is getting more and more faded the more times you copy it.

Now, I would never recommend that someone just “give up” – far from it. However, there is something to be said for reevaluating any given situation and deciding that starting from scratch – now armed with new knowledge and experience – is simply a more effective or enjoyable use of your time.

In my recent move to the beach, there were many “must haves” that were part of the process, and by checking out the following examples, you can get an idea of how to make a fresh start in your own life, if and when the time comes to do so.

1) Decide what you want AND what you don’t want

Knowing what you want is only half the battle, because it is very easy to miss critical details if you don’t also consider what you don’t want your new life to include.

The primary goal when I moved was to get close to the beach – close being defined as walking distance. The initial search for a place was very fruitful, and there were more places to look at than there was time to do so. By the end of a full day spent looking at properties on Florida’s Space Coast, it seemed that the biggest hurdle was going to be deciding which one was the best!

However, as the details were discussed and properties started being weeded out for various reasons, it became very clear that the north/south location of the house was a bigger factor than originally realized. By putting both a northern and a southern “line in the sand” on the map, the search for a house instantly became much more productive because the desired area had now been so clearly defined. The initial search spanned almost 20 miles of coastline, while the updated search encompassed only about 6 miles.

The perfect beach side home was not found until the realization was made that there were northern and southern boundaries that I did NOT want to cross. That focus fueled the remainder of the search, and it was less than a week after making that realization that a lease was signed on the new home.

2) Define just what it is that you’ll be doing with your new life

It’s easy to say things like “I want a great relationship,” or “I want more money, “ or “I want to lose weight”. However, those types of vague assertions about what you want will only focus vague energies on the process of actually attaining them.

In my case, part of the plan when moving to the beach was to start a new fitness related business based in a coastal community. After spending 3 years as a personal trainer – and then voluntarily walking away from that life – I had to ask myself how this was going to be any different than the last time. What type of business was I going to build that would have all of the joys and benefits of the fitness lifestyle, but without the drawbacks that caused me to back away from that path before?

The answer – I am ecstatically proud to reveal – came in the form of Surfside Fitness and the absolutely magical work of my graphic and web designer, Jason LaRose. I defined the business model and Jason brought it all to life with incredible skill, professionalism, and vision. I don’t know what I was more excited about – the detailed business model that I came up with, or how well Jason brought it all to full-color life.

Click my beautiful Surfside Fitness logo to check out the splash page of the site, and while you’re clicking, be sure to visit Jason’s site and hire him to bring his magic into your world as well.

3) Realize the contrast between your new life and the old life

The age-old definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result. If you don’t do things differently than you did before, then you haven’t recreated anything – you’ve just copied and pasted.

How are YOU going to be different in your new life? It’s not just about picturing yourself with all of the joys and trappings of the new life that you want to create, because that is just putting the same habits and lifestyle choices that you have now into a world that looks a bit different. If YOU aren’t different, then your new life will not be any different than the old life.

In my situation, it was a matter of getting back into the “public eye”. I have done the majority of the writing that I have done at Today is that Day for almost 2 years while living a comparably secluded lifestyle. I have worked from home or at local coffee shops for the majority of the time, and a business like Surfside Fitness cannot be run from a coffee shop!

My contrast will be going from a life of almost seclusion to a life of being out in public almost every day. The last time I lived that lifestyle I was well on my way to attaining a 6-figure income…

4) Check your old habits at the door

A conscious decision like the one discussed above to be a different person is all well and good, but what about those nasty habits that will be leftover from your previous lifestyle? Any habits that take you away from the dream life that you are building need to be kicked to the curb.

In my case, it is electronic communication. I’ll admit it now in front of all the world that I am an Internet junkie! I send an email when I should call someone. I go to Google when I could just pick up the yellow pages or call information. I send text messages or leave comments instead of just having real-time communication.

Yep, I’m hooked! However, now that I am the figurehead and the primary trainer for a brand-new, ultra-cool fitness company, I’ll need to give my keyboard something of a break. The Internet and my blogs will always be a part of both my business and my personal life, but as the owner of a “real world” company, I need to kick the electronic habit and start communicating with people more often in real world ways.

5) Make a serious commitment to yourself

In today’s day and age, starting a “business” can be as quick and easy as putting together a website, and that level of ease also brings with it the danger of not taking things as seriously as we sometimes should.

Life is meant to be enjoyed and – as a general rule – should not be taken too seriously. However, at the same time, if long-term success or happiness is the goal, then something more than just a token effort will probably need to be applied.

My example of this is with regard to my own level of health and fitness. If I am going to teach and lead others to fitness success, then I have to be in great shape myself. As regular readers know, I started the P90X home fitness program 3 months ago, and stuck with it through the duration – right up until the last week and half that is!

The P90X program is a 90-day system, which ends up being a total of 13 weeks of training. Mid-way through week 12, I simply ran out of time. Between packing, moving, painting my old house, unpacking at the new house, and fixing some things that needed to be fixed there, I simply ran out of daylight every day. I was up at 6:00am, out the door by around 7:00am, and not home again until late that night, and then I repeated that sequence every day. There was simply no time available to exercise for an hour each day, so I had a tough decision to make.

Do I “give up” on P90X and just say that I ALMOST finished the program? Do I “pad” the truth and say that I finished it, even though I only made it through 11 1/2 weeks?

Well, I am not the type to lie or to even stretch the truth, nor am I the type to “almost” finish something. So, I did the next best thing:

I committed to start all over again!

Yup, I’m insane like that. Well, at least that’s how it seems, but the truth of the matter is that I am not crazy, I am just committed to my career and to leading by example. That type of commitment takes serious will power, but it also leads to serious success.

The key thing to remember here is that a new life requires CHANGE. You can’t hold onto a previous life if you want to build a new life. I’ve said it many times before, and I’ll probable say it many times more:

If nothing changes, then nothing changes!

The first – and best – course of action is obviously to just avoid getting shot at in the first place. Barring that option, however, the next best thing to do is to duck, dodge, or otherwise evade the bullets that life will inevitably throw at you.

Now, I am obviously talking figuratively here, not literally, yet ironically enough, living a life where you can dodge mental bullets will probably keep you from having to dodge literal bullets as well, so it’s an all-around good technique to learn!

The trick to dodging mental bullets is not to actually get out of the way whenever someone fires them at you, but rather to neutralize those mental bullets, thus eliminating their ability to cause you any harm.

Although in a perfect scenario, we could all simply avoid the negativity that is brought into our lives by other people, realistically that is not always going to be possible. However, by knowing how to make yourself impervious to those negative mental bullets (without being from Krypton or having magic bracelets), no matter how negative any given situation is, you will still be able to minimize or eliminate the affect that situation has on you and your life.

The trick to this lies in a very simple concept that everyone is familiar with: Opposites.

What do opposites have to do with eliminating negativity from your life? Quite simply, because opposites cancel each other out.

It is not possible for any extreme state of being to remain in an extreme state whenever the opposite of that state is applied to it.

Confused? Try out these examples:

• What happens when you mix black and white? You get gray.
• What happens when left and right meet in the middle? A straight line.
• What is the mid-line between moving forward or moving backwards? Standing still.
• What happens if you try to go up and down at the same time? Nothing.
• What is the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny? Sorry, that’s not part of the lesson – I just had to throw it in there!

The point here is that if some person or some situation comes at you from an extremely negative standpoint, then all you have to do in order to dodge that bullet is to focus on the polar opposite of whatever the negativity is, and you will immediately neutralize the extreme nature of that negativity.

People

If someone walks up to you and starts screaming and yelling, just remain calm, and put yourself in a happy place. In fact, if you can conjure up an actual smile, that will REALLY help. It may not help the person screaming and yelling, but it will certainly help you, and what you need is what this is really all about anyway.

Your calm, cheerful demeanor will at the very least keep you from losing your cool and saying or doing something that you’ll regret, and at the same time it may have the added benefit of diffusing the situation. Even the instigator of the whole thing may chill out, and both of you can then move forward without all of that negative energy.

Situations

If an extremely negative situation comes up in your life, the first thing to realize is that the situation just is what it is. You may be able to make the situation better in the future, but at the moment when you find out about (and are most susceptible to the negative effects of) the situation, simply accepting the situation for what it is needs to be the first step.

Once you have accepted the situation, then you can pull out the “opposite card”. Since the goal is to avoid the negative influence that this situation could have on your state of mind, don’t focus on finding a solution at this point, but rather just finding and focusing on the opposite of the situation.

Whenever you focus on the polar opposite of any given negative situation, what is the polar opposite of negative? Positive! No matter what negative situation has been presented to you, you can immediately eliminate the negativity by thinking about and FEELING about the opposite of that situation.

Remember, the goal here is not to find solutions to the situation, but rather to just protect yourself from the negativity that the situation has created.

Health

Have you ever heard the phrase “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer“? The reason why that phrase is true is because rich people focus on prosperity, while poor people focus on poverty. It is nothing more complicated or covert than the frequently proven fact that people get what they focus on. This applies to your health just as much as – if not more than – any other areas of your life.

If you wake up in the morning and think “I am so sore,” or “I am so tired,” or “I don’t feel well,” then you will continue to recreate those same feelings all day long. No matter what you do physically in order to try to alleviate those conditions, if you stay mentally focused on the fact that for some real or imagined reason you are supposed to be sore, tired, or ill, you will find a way to keep feeling exactly like that.

Focus instead on the opposite of those feelings. Yes, it will be hard at first because you DO feel sore, tired, or ill. However, by continually focusing on the opposite of those feelings, you will empower your own body to minimize or even eliminate whatever it is that caused those feelings to begin with. Or, if you can’t wrap  your head around the fact that your mind controls your body (and it does!), then you should still be able to get your head around the simple fact that if you stop thinking about something unpleasant, you’ll stop noticing it as well.

Your life is not just made up of the actual events that transpire during your time here on Earth, but rather how you feel about what happens to you here on Earth. Depending on your personal belief systems, you recognize that you have anywhere from partial to complete control over the physical happenings in your life, and most people exercise their level of control regularly.

However, the one thing that is absolutely beyond debate is that you have 100% complete, utter control over what you think and what you feel as a result of those thoughts. If your life is the sum of the thoughts and feelings that you have about your physical experiences (and it is), and you can control your thoughts and your feelings 100% of the time (and you can), then doesn’t it just make sense to have the best possible thoughts and feelings as often as you can?

You’ve got absolutely nothing to lose by attempting to use this system of dodging mental bullets, and since I don’t see Wonder Woman or Superman swooping in to save your day, you might want to think about handling that responsibility on your own…

Yes, I will be the first (and continual!) person to tell you that if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten. However, that does not mean that you can’t get clues about the things that will make you happy by reviewing what you have done in the past.

When it comes to being “larger than life,” what is it that you or the people who know you well would say about you? What character traits, hobbies, or habits have you maintained for years, probably without even giving it any conscious thought? When you find the things that you are already enormous at, you will have found things that are in alignment with who you are, and those things can then be used as an outline to create who you want to become.

It is very likely that when giving consideration to what type of person you have been for years, you will not need to dig very deeply. If you have to think really hard about what type of personality you have, or about habits that you have maintained over the long-term, you are probably putting too much thought into it.

Don’t think of it in terms of how a habit or a personality trait could make you happy, or about how you could use it to make money. Just stick to the facts, and then you can sort it out later to determine what it all means. I’ll use myself as an example to illustrate the process:

• Healthy – I picked up my first barbell when I was 15 years old, I am 38 years old right now, and I have never gone more than 6 months without being on a consistent exercise program.
• Happy – Although my life has had bumps and bruises just like anyone else’s life, I have always had a happy and out-going disposition. Yes, I can get cranky just like everyone can, but overall I have always been cheerful.
• Ethical – I got my first job within a week of being legally old enough to work, and I was mowing lawns and doing yard work for cash long before that. I have always done quality work, and I have always gone above and beyond the call of duty to earn the money that I’ve been paid.
• Outdoors – I grew up in the middle of nowhere in upstate New York long before everyone had an iPod, a cell phone, and a MySpace page, and playing outdoors was an integral part of my upbringing. To this day, I will literally get stressed out if I stay inside for too long.
• Inspirational – No, I haven’t always had my present technical and grammatical skills, but I have always been the kind of person that people come to for advice, and the kind of person who helps people to believe that everything is going to be OK.
• Disciplined – Whether it was walking 1 1/2 miles each way to see my girlfriend 3 times a week when I was a freshman in high school (again – upstate New York – brrrrr!), freezing or sweating during days and nights in the desert while I was in the Army, doing manual labor for days on end in the Florida heat, or BRINGING IT with P90X, I have always been able to rise to any physical or mental challenge put before me.
• Fun-loving – I have never consistently taken life too seriously. Yes, there have been times when I’ve worn the party hat a bit less often than other times, but for the most part I have always been the kind of person who believed in enjoying the journey, and I have the pictures (and the scars!) to prove it.

Just now when I typed all of that out, it took me only marginally longer to type it than it probably took you to read it. I did not have to give very much thought to those habits and personality traits because they are nothing new to me, and none of them are only in my distant past. All of those examples are things that I have practiced most of my life, and I could call out a recent example of each and every one of them. These aren’t habits or traits that I used to have, or that I would like to have, but rather that I already have, and that I’ve had for years.

Now, if there is something that I am considering – whether short or long-term – I don’t have to look any further than that list to see if it is something that I will enjoy doing. As I said back in the Winds of Change post, I am getting ready to start a new fitness program on the coast of Florida. Does it match my profile?

• Healthy – You can’t run a fitness business if you aren’t in shape yourself – not if you actually want customers!
• Happy – After 3 years as a personal trainer, I can tell you for a fact that a fitness instructor’s upbeat attitude is more important than their skills.
• Ethical – Again, if you want customers, you run an ethical business, and I always have, and always will.
• Outdoors – Doesn’t get much more outdoors than the coast of somewhere beautiful
• Inspirational – I’ll be in charge of inspiring not only a lot of customers to succeed, but a lot of employees and joint venture partners as well.
• Disciplined – I will go from working full-time at home in a temperature controlled environment to working outside in Florida in the summertime. Pretty safe bet that both physical and mental discipline will come into play!
• Fun-loving – I hatched this entire idea because I wanted to do something fun, and – without giving away the details of my business plan – yes, it will be loads of fun!

I will be personally happy because I will be practicing the very same personality traits that I have been using for years, and I have been using them because I enjoy doing so. I will be professionally happy because I will make a good living using those same personality traits, and at the same time I will be enhancing the physical and the financial success of dozens, hundreds, and ultimately thousands of people.

How to find your own Enormity

You already know what it is that you enjoy doing, so just sit down and right it out, just like I did in this blog post. Don’t study it, or analyze it, or try to figure it out. Just write.

When you have a list of 6 to 12 habits or personality traits that have been part of your life over the long-term, then you simply check your present lifestyle and/or your desired future lifestyle against that list.

If your life and your planned future are in alignment with your list, then you are probably lined up for long-term happiness. If your lifestyle and your list are on two different planes of existence, however, now might be a good time to ask yourself why the life you are leading or planning is such a far cry from what you actually enjoy doing…