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Vulcan Success Principles: Victory through Emotional Mastery

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If you have ever watched Star Trek, then you are aware of the vaunted "logic" that Vulcans apply to all area of their lives. I've always said that Star Trek was about people, not about space, and I think those pointy-eared aliens may have been on to something…

Here on planet Earth, we are all bright and vibrant human beings, and our emotions are as much a part of who we are as any of the physical aspects of our lives. However, despite their lack of physical presence, our emotions have an invisible strength that can either carry us to unheard of accomplishments, or sink us down into an unfathomable personal abyss.

Live Long, and Prosper!Unlike the stoic Vulcans, us mere humans have the ability to control our emotions without having to give them up, thus allowing us mastery over all aspects of our lives. The only question is whether or not you are going to exercise that control, or surrender yourself to the power of your emotions and then just hope for the best…

It is very easy to toss around terms like positive thinking, self-control, and even conscious creation, yet for many people those terms end up meaning next to nothing when the chips are down.

And that is where the Vulcans have us beat.

By giving up their desire to experience any emotions, they also removed the danger of having an inappropriate emotional response to any given situation. The average person here on planet Earth doesn't fair so well in a situation that evokes a stronger emotional response than they were prepared for.

However, by realizing that it is the "prepared for" part that is tripping us up, there is still hope!

Attitude: Begin by always EXPECTING good things to happen!Although there is no possible way to emotionally prepare for every single situation that might cause us to have a negative response, it is also not necessary to do so.

Most of us have but a small handful of situations that truly "trip us up" and cause us to experience emotions that are not in alignment with our goals. Those situations could include things such as:

  • Fighting with your spouse or significant other
  • Having disagreements with your co-workers
  • Negative situations involving your friends
  • Unexpected financial conditions
  • Traffic or Commuting issues

You may have your own list of situations that cause you to jump off of the emotional control bandwagon, and if you do have such a list, it shares one common thing with the list above:

Every single one of these situations can be foreseen.

I'm not talking about foreseeing the actual events, but rather foreseeing the way that you would feel if those events happened to you.

Most people already have more than enough experience dealing with situations such as those listed, and with similar situations. Why is it then, that when we find ourselves in those same situations again, we have the same negative emotional reactions that we had the last time???

Do you need a reminder about the definition of insanity? Here you go:

Doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result!

  • If you know that your spouse or significant other really makes you mad whenever you argue, then doesn't it stand to reason that you can prepare for that in advance?
  • If you already know that your nosy or know it all co-worker is going to cause issues for you at work, can't you have a pre-selected response ready that doesn't cause you to have negative feelings? 
  • If you have a friend who is starting to bring circumstances into your life that you do not want, is it not within your power to set up a process in advance for dealing with that individual?
  • If you have ever been out of money before, then you are well aware of the way that it feels. In the past, did your negative emotional reaction to being broke do you any good? Why not prepare a more empowering emotional response in case it happens again?

    • By simply practicing the fine art of preparing for things that you already have plenty of experience with, you'll save yourself from an emotional Armageddon!

  • If your daily commute causes you emotional angst that you no longer want in your life, do you not have the power to prepare for that angst in advance by finding a way to have a more positive reaction to that situation?

By simply practicing the fine art of preparing for things that you already have plenty of experience with, you'll save yourself an emotional armageddon that could otherwise destroy a state of mind that can – and will – carry you to whatever victory you are striving for!

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Dan and Jennifer are the Founders and Senior Editors of Ask Dan & Jennifer, which has been called "the best and most popular Love and Sex advice column on the Internet today". Their videos are some of the most popular videos on YouTube. You should Fan Dan & Jennifer on Facebook and Follow them on Twitter!
Posted On June 10, 2007 · Filed Under Goals · Tagged With

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  • Patricia,

    Thank you so much for sharing that great story! As today's adults are starting to become more and more "in tune" with concepts such as consciously creating our lives, the young ones in our lives will benefit from being raised by adults with a sense of control and empowerment.

    It's cool to hear stories about kids who are already experiencing those types of benefits. :)
  • Patricia
    Today sth fantastic happened at home & I wish to share it with you because you have had much to do with it!
    It's only a month -or so- I'm meditating and it's more or less the same time I'm really working on my own "owner's manual" (as I've read in some post Aaron suggested).
    Today my 6-year-old son was quite excited, with that kind of excitement that we parents know it either ends up in crying or in crying.. and he suddenly stopped, took a deep breath and let the air out. He did that 3 times and told me: "now I feel better... when I let the air out I feel much better".

    :)))))
  • Shauna,

    Wow, you added so much to this conversation - thanks!

    I love what you said about deciding who we are going to be in advance. I've never spent any significant amount of time studying Steven Covey, so I was not aware of that concept from him, but I totally love it. In fact, I feel a blog post coming on! :)

    As far as your daughter, you are doing such a wonderful job by teaching her the truth, despite any close-minded teachers or peers.

    In my opinion, a good teacher should encourage children to be open-minded, even if the teacher doesn't believe in the concepts in question. Otherwise, aren't teachers just teaching close-mindedness?

    Ah, but that is a discussion for another day! ;)

    Thanks again for bringing so much value to the conversation, Shauna!
  • Hi, Aaron and all;

    Wow! From the response here, this topic is obviously one of great interest to many people, which means to me that people are awakening to the possibility of changing their lives by changing their thoughts. Great stuff!

    It seems to me that awareness - awareness that we are reacting vs. having a genuine conversation - is a valuable first step, and in fact acts to dissolve the reactionary mechanism just by being aware of it. Stephen Covey's work is indeed a great resource for learning to think ahead about who we are - to decide in advance. Thus we eliminate (partially) the need to even plan our potential reactions, because we can just declare who and what we choose to be, then live into that. It's definitely a process, but it can be done, and it's very rewarding.

    In the case of a child, I love the question about introducing children to these concepts. The beauty is that kids are far more open to such ideas because they do not carry around the baggage and cynicism that blocks many (most?) adults.

    My two cents when it comes to kids and ANY lesson you may wish to teach is to lead by example, and to be clear about what you are doing. Kids watch everything, and will learn from any example - positive or negative. Their perspective is somewhat narrow, and they can twist meanings and interpretations, especially when we don't explain our motives. If I want my daughter to to exhibit self-respect (and as a secondary consequence respect for others), I have to demonstrate it, and literally say to her 'please do not speak to me that way. I have too much respect for myself to be spoken to in that way'...and she literally GETS THE MESSAGE, because it is clear...then she can internalize it and be that for herself as well. She is an amazing creator, and is always walking around creating stuff, saying 'I created that!'...and she's right. She's way better at it than I am, because she believes she is. Her only challenge is coming across people - MOST - who don't believe. Maybe someone has some advice on this point...she has a teacher, for example, who chastises her for saying anything like the things we talk about here, and it drives me nuts. I can only be there for her, and let her know that she will come across many people in her life who will hold different views from her own. I can encourage her to listen to them all, and then make her own choices, while firmly believing in herself.

    Thoughts?...

    I know I wrote a lot here...I guess you touched things in me as well! Thanks, as always, Aaron, for your thoughtful posts.
  • Patricia Schiavone
    Hi Aaron,

    Thank you again. You hit the nail on the head: not so much talk, more application to his own life, making it practical and personal is the answer.

    I'm smiling at myself because being a language teacher I know this very well regarding teaching a language. However, for some reason, I couldn't see it applied to this field! You see... there's always advice we need out there! And you're always ready to provide it. Thanks again.

    Wow! You really surprised me with your 5-children experience! You're very brave. And I'm happy for those children because having you as a father surely makes their journey specially enjoyable and fun. Cheers to you all!

    Patricia
  • Patricia,

    Congratulations on successfully applying this concept to your life! You have demonstrated a very real fact that many people in the personal development industry have been saying for years - knowledge is useless unless it is actually applied to your life! Big props to you for leading by example.

    As far as introducing concepts such as the LOA and conscious creation to children, I personally see it as two-fold:

    1) As you have already demonstrated, leading by example is the best teacher. It has been shown repeatedly that children pay at least as much attention to what we DO as what we SAY. I think they actually pay more attention to our actions than our words.

    2) As is always the case with children, you have to both keep their interest, as well as keep it short. Find ways to show him how maintaining a proper attitude applies to his life, rather than just speaking in general terms.

    Also, making children actually think rather than just talking "at" them is always more effective. Most of us remember things that our parents used to say all the time, but even to this day, we don't practice what they preached. However, when we were given a challenge or a puzzle, that made it more real and also more memorable.

    Give kids questions rather than directives, and I think you'll get a better response.

    All of that being said, I am no child psychologist, but I WAS a child once, and I've got a total of 5 of my own kids (3 mine, 2 step-children), so I've got some experience in this matter. :)

    Hope that helps, Patricia!
  • Patricia
    Dear Aaron,

    I told you before I liked your article. Well, this week, for the first time in my life I didn't react to 2 difficult situations and I did respond. The result was amazing and it felt specially good.

    What I'm proud of is the fact of my having been able to put it into practice. Because understanding and seeing truths is one thing but getting them down to our everyday life is sth else. I did it and I intend to include this distinction reaction/response.. and at some stage to master it, in my life, from now on.

    Let me ask you a question, just in case you can help me: I have a 6-year-old child and I'd love to introduce him to the LoA early in his life. I'd also like to teach him this distinction of reaction/response. I have started talking to him about this all but I note that he gets bored easily and doesn't pay much attention to it. Are there any special suggestions on how to help children on all this?
    I'm aware that my own improvement helps his.. but still, I feel a little bit lost.

    Thank you,

    :) Patricia
  • Jacklyn,

    Thanks for High-Vibing my post and for the positive feedback! I at totally grateful for both!

    I appreciate the tag for the High-Vibe Game and I am definitely planning on doing that project. I'll have it up early next week! :)
  • Hi Aaron, I love your articles! I've submitted this post to www.HighVibeIt.com/story/527 as I've tagged you along for the High Vibe Game at my blog www.JacklynKer.com/136/136/

    Thank you for sharing this great blog!

    Love, Jacklyn
  • Kara-Leah,

    I really appreciate the positive feedback, and I'm glad this dialogue is already showing some benefit in your life.

    The next time you hit that brick wall, I guarantee you'll be better prepared for it, and by handling it in a manner that is more consistent with your personal goals, everyone who is part of that situation will benefit.

    And trust me, this is coming from someone who has hit MANY brick walls in his time, and several of them have been the same wall over and over again! ;)
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