Each of us is in charge of our own destiny, so although I may have been the motivation, it is you who has to get off your butt and make it happen!

Enjoy the journey, Jo Anne!

When my ex-husband and I did the Body For Life challenge some years ago, we got into amazing shape, and our poor concerned Mother (-in-law for me) really thought we were too skinny…she kept saying we were making ourselves sick, and that we should EAT!!!

So, there is more than just denial here – there are cultural beliefs attached to eating, as well as a bit of love entangled in there, and who knows what else.

I know that Aaron was addressing the issue of people knowing full well that they were doing themselves harm (or at least avoiding doing what they know and believe they should), and just not bothering to make theffort to make things better.

S

That’s a great example of how our culture reinforces habits that – although well-meaning – are not always in the best interest of the individuals.

I have often thought about that specifically with regard to the Italian lifestyle. I LOVE Italian food, but I could never live in a culture like that because I’d be as big as a house!

Thanks for the comment, Steve, and congrats on getting your new site up and running!

- Aaron

The whole fat discussion got me thinking…. I mean I’m not a fat guy to begin with but I get the opposite quite a bit. My Italian parents will say,

“Steve, you’re so thin! You’re shrinking! Are you sick? You should eat something.”

I just tell them, “I’m lean” and that “I’m perfect the way I am.” Italians must think that eating is the same as breathing.

Great post btw,

Steve
PS – I’m back online with a new personal development website, http://www.freedomeducation.ca

Your comments are always welcome, Patricia. No correct spelling necessary!

I inspired myself and changed tough into taugh… things that happen with 2nd languages… but shouldn’t

After 3 years as a personal trainer and 2 years writing about personal development, I have learned that without exception excuses will get you nowhere.

Anyone who wants to hide behind their excuses should not be reading this blog!

Aaron: excellent article, as usual. I agree with Shauna on the taugher reflection. I just hope you are not getting taugher inside. (You don’t need to answer this).

Shauna,

I could have written what you wrote. Word by word. Except that the not-so-perfect relationship I am in at the moment don’t include some of the items in your list.
Thanks for having written it. You helped me reflect.

Love,
Patricia

You simply could not have chosen a better way to word that!!

…I simply could not feed the denial…

That is exactly what so many other people do, and your ex-mother-in-law had a rare honest person in her presence when you said that. It’s like that old joke:

Patient: Doc, it works when I do this.
Doctor: Then don’t do that!

Good for you to lead with honesty, Shauna!

I just wanted to belatedly add a little anecdote here, in case anyone (!) sees themselves in it.

My ex-mother-in-law, when chowing down on copious amounts of Italian bread and pasta (high in calories, and almost devoid of nutrition), would often lament ‘I’m so fat!’ As the honest person I am, I’d say, ‘Then stop eating so much bread!’ as she was lifting yet another piece to her mouth. She was always half-jesting, and it was obvious that what she really wanted to hear is ‘You? No! You’re not FAT!! You’re just short for your weight…’

I simply could not feed the denial; I felt compelled to be the voice of rationality.

I hope this post of yours will wake at least a few people up and compel them to move (literally) into a life of vitality and energy – which we all deserve.

Thanks again, Aaron!

Shauna

One of my primary goals with my writing is to inspire people to take action in order to make their lives what they want them to be, so I am very happy that I was able to be a part of that for you!

As honest and as forthcoming as you always are in your writing!

You also bring up a wonderful point – perfection vs. settling. No one is perfect (nor should we try to be), and if we are truly happy with any given part of our lives, then we should keep right on truckin’! However, a lot of people are hiding behind a shield of feigned happiness, when in truth they are simply settling because they aren’t willing to put forth the necessary efforts.

This post was actually inspired by a trip to the beach over the Memorial Day holiday when I saw a lot of people who were clearly not happy with their bodies, yet they we obviously not doing anything about it.

Yes, there are people who will say, No, I am not perfect, but I am happy, and those people should keep going on their path.

To the rest – the people who are neither happy nor perfect – the question of what they are getting out of their status is a great question for them to ask themselves.

Thanks for bringing a great point of view to the conversation, Shauna!

As usual, I love your post content, Aaron. I notice you are getting tougher as you go through your tough fitness program! Amazing how when we are disciplined in one area, it leaves less room for tolerating lack of honesty or discipline in others.

So let’s answer the question…what am I getting out of it? Here I will put myself out there and answer this very personal question in a way that I hope helps at least one reader:

What am I getting out of staying in my less-than-perfect relationship?

I am getting:

* The comfort of having someone around
* The ability to say I have a special someone and therefore not feel like a big loser (even though in truth I’m happy with myself – relationship or not)
* Someone to share things and experiences and plans with
* A father figure for my daughter, and the security and comfort of having a man in the house
* Hugs
* Someone who loves me
* Someone I care about = warmth
* The opportunity to have my own beliefs reflected at me so I can work on them
* Shelter from the fear that there is no one out there who is better for me

…and on and on. If my relationship is not perfect, it is because I AM NOT perfect.

I hope that many people wil lexamine their own reasons for their current behavior because of your post, Aaron…when we get honest about why we are doing (or not doing) things, at least we can make a conscious decision as to whether we’re OK with the status quo, and why.

Have a grat day!

That is such a true statement! All that matters in the end – whether it is the end of the day, the week, the month, or the year – is whether or not you actually did what it took. The excuses are irrelevant.

Thanks for the comment!

No matter how enlightened you are, as long as you’re walking around in a physical body, you still need to tend to the responsibilities of doing so!